TOXIC FRIEND (copied)

Originally copied by Eyn but since she is still doing updates in her multiply I volunteered to copy it on my multiply.. I thought that the content is very very nice and very very informative.. :) And I AM TELLING YOU: YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!

TOXIC FRIEND

 "A friend is someone who sees the good in us and makes us feel good about ourselves. She is supportive, caring, nurturing, encouraging us to reach our dreams, and looks out for our welfare," says Dr. Candice Vera Sia.

         But not all friends are like that; some may make you feel bad about yourself, directly or indirectly, most of the time, they are called toxic friends. Dr. Sia clarifies that the term "toxic friend" is not an actual psychiatric diagnosis, but a word commonly applied to a friend who drains you emotionally, mentally or even financially with unkind gestures, comments, criticisms, and subtle rejections.

        There is no perfect friend and, at times, we ourselves can become "toxic" to others. The key is consistency. If someone is consistently making you feel bad, being critical and demanding, taking from and not giving to the friendship, then you might have a toxic friend on your hands.

Dr. Sia recommends the following steps when addressing the issue of toxic friendships:

1. Understand the situation
        Perhaps your friend is being negative right now because she is going through particularly hard or stressful times. Again, the key is here consistency.

2. Know your reasons
        Ask yourself why you stick with this relationship. There are reasons why we stick to our friends/toxic friends. Oftentimes it is due to low self-esteem, afraid that if they say anything, they would be rejected and aboandoned in favor of another friend.

3. Take responsibility
        Assess if the relationship is worth saving and take steps to preserve it. Accept that expecting others to change is unrealistic.

4. Communicate
        Often, a toxic friend is not aware of how she affects others "whenever she whines at the nth time, or criticizes you every time you meet", says Sia. Sometimes, letting her know is enough to put a stop to it or arleast limit it.

5. Set boundaries
        People treat you the way you allow them too. So you need to set limits for someone who vents day in and day out.

6. Refer
        We cannot solve our friend's problem for her. "If the same repeating patterns of depression, conflict, anger or problems do not go away, then it would be best to propose she seek professional help," advises Sia.

7. End the relationship
        If you get nothing but pain, sadness, and hurt from a friendship, let it go, says Sia. "It is not always easy to do but if the benefits, such as less stress, less rejection, and freedom, outweight the loss of having a toxic friend, then do it."

Source: Health today, March 2008