Wala naman sa akin kung anong napapanaginipan niya pero the first time na nangyari to he told me he was bothered and he needs like time to think, magday hike kasi siya nun sakto daw dahil he can reflect.
I was so devasted nun bilang first time, I didn't know what to do, all I know is that we need to talk about it. I cried the whole night. Sobrang hirap gumising nun may report pa kami. Pagkasakay ko sa kotse niya hindi ko talaga napigilang umiyak ng bongga parang walang bukas. It was so pathetic. I even told him na hindi ko kaya yung feeling na wala siya, so pathetic di ba?! begging for love. Although I know I need to let him go, at sinabi ko yun sa kanya.
Sabi niya, he'll stay with me and that he will never leave me. I was so broken and vulnerable, it was the only thing can soothe the pain. I took him back in my life. I was struggling in the relationship, slowly I started to be okay and optimistic and then this dream pop again.
The dream was, he was dreaming that they were kissing and it felt so real and then the next day he saw her in her wedding gown marrying somebody else. It was a painful dream daw.
What was weird was, I don't usually check his twitter timeline and FB. Something told me to check it yesterday and then I saw his twitter about questioning the existence of sub conscious and the he can't fight it and if his dreams will always be like that he wouldn't want to sleep again. I felt something and so I asked him about it.
Everything is so hard for me. I felt that what we really need is a time away. I don't believe in cool off but I think it will somehow help you cope with the situation. He told me, I shouldn't think about it and that he is conquering everything for me because he loves me, etc.
Sabi ko sa kanya, I don't deserve to be in this situation parang ano bang nagawa ko sa buhay bakit ganito di ba? Hindi ko napigilang umiyak sa office.
Ako sure ako sa nararamdaman ko habang siya hindi. Ang hirap.
