Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o hindi na I'm going to stick sa original plan ko dati na after kong magMA ay tska ako magpapakasal and all hmmm

Outing with Ted's Family

Ang lakad na di pinaplano nangtutupad

NFS: New Found Self

Lately, I've been an insecure girlfriend. I turned out to be a jealous one and honestly, I hate it. I know that I am not that kind of person. I have these issues clogging my reasoning and clouding my judgment. I was trying to get up from the ground but I can't seem to stand. 

Then I tortured myself more, I checked the girl's FB account. Out of curiosity. I wanted to know who is this girl that my boyfriend has a crush on. Know your competition (insert evil laugh). Then I found out that there's nothing special about her, she looks normal, not pretty, not ugly, she looks just okay. Then something struck me. Here I am sulking over this ill feelings inside me just because of nobody. I may sound very mayabang but I know that I am a lot better than her. I just know it and I believe in it. 

I am taking up my masters. I am working in one of the biggest network in the Philippines. I graduated in a reputable university. I worked hard to get where I am right now. I have my dreams and I am living it. I am smart and I exactly know how to get what I want. I am claiming it (walang kokontra). I am this person. I almost forgot that I have my own life to live. 

I don't know where, when and how it happened but it seems that I lost a part of myself while having a relationship with him. I guess, its a phase I need to go through. And now, I am over it. 

This line: "Its his loss not mine" sank into my mind. Hell yes, it will be really his loss. 

When he met me, I have that kind of thinking, I am very assured of myself, I can intimidate guys. I guess I've put down all my defenses the moment I fell in love with him. Now, I know where I stand. If he wanted to mess up our relationship then go ahead, I know I did my very best to work on our relationship. He will not be the last guy on earth. Painful, yes but I can't put myself down just because of an unworthy person. 

I'm done making him my world. I have my own world to live and I will make it the best. 

I understand and accepted how this unfair life works. I understand how I should love myself too. I feel so empowered. God is so good to me to make me realize all these things. 

We are still in a relationship and we didn't break up or something. I will still make our relationship stronger and better without sacrificing my own happiness, my own dreams and my own life. I will not stalk the girl's twitter and FB account just to fish for information, its just a waste of time. I will also stop decoding his cryptic tweets and posts. I will let him be himself and I will be me.

Am I mean to think this way? I hope not because I feel soo okay. It feels right.