NFS: New Found Self

Lately, I've been an insecure girlfriend. I turned out to be a jealous one and honestly, I hate it. I know that I am not that kind of person. I have these issues clogging my reasoning and clouding my judgment. I was trying to get up from the ground but I can't seem to stand. 

Then I tortured myself more, I checked the girl's FB account. Out of curiosity. I wanted to know who is this girl that my boyfriend has a crush on. Know your competition (insert evil laugh). Then I found out that there's nothing special about her, she looks normal, not pretty, not ugly, she looks just okay. Then something struck me. Here I am sulking over this ill feelings inside me just because of nobody. I may sound very mayabang but I know that I am a lot better than her. I just know it and I believe in it. 

I am taking up my masters. I am working in one of the biggest network in the Philippines. I graduated in a reputable university. I worked hard to get where I am right now. I have my dreams and I am living it. I am smart and I exactly know how to get what I want. I am claiming it (walang kokontra). I am this person. I almost forgot that I have my own life to live. 

I don't know where, when and how it happened but it seems that I lost a part of myself while having a relationship with him. I guess, its a phase I need to go through. And now, I am over it. 

This line: "Its his loss not mine" sank into my mind. Hell yes, it will be really his loss. 

When he met me, I have that kind of thinking, I am very assured of myself, I can intimidate guys. I guess I've put down all my defenses the moment I fell in love with him. Now, I know where I stand. If he wanted to mess up our relationship then go ahead, I know I did my very best to work on our relationship. He will not be the last guy on earth. Painful, yes but I can't put myself down just because of an unworthy person. 

I'm done making him my world. I have my own world to live and I will make it the best. 

I understand and accepted how this unfair life works. I understand how I should love myself too. I feel so empowered. God is so good to me to make me realize all these things. 

We are still in a relationship and we didn't break up or something. I will still make our relationship stronger and better without sacrificing my own happiness, my own dreams and my own life. I will not stalk the girl's twitter and FB account just to fish for information, its just a waste of time. I will also stop decoding his cryptic tweets and posts. I will let him be himself and I will be me.

Am I mean to think this way? I hope not because I feel soo okay. It feels right.