I was so devasted nun bilang first time, I didn't know what to do, all I know is that we need to talk about it. I cried the whole night. Sobrang hirap gumising nun may report pa kami. Pagkasakay ko sa kotse niya hindi ko talaga napigilang umiyak ng bongga parang walang bukas. It was so pathetic. I even told him na hindi ko kaya yung feeling na wala siya, so pathetic di ba?! begging for love. Although I know I need to let him go, at sinabi ko yun sa kanya.
Sabi niya, he'll stay with me and that he will never leave me. I was so broken and vulnerable, it was the only thing can soothe the pain. I took him back in my life. I was struggling in the relationship, slowly I started to be okay and optimistic and then this dream pop again.
The dream was, he was dreaming that they were kissing and it felt so real and then the next day he saw her in her wedding gown marrying somebody else. It was a painful dream daw.
What was weird was, I don't usually check his twitter timeline and FB. Something told me to check it yesterday and then I saw his twitter about questioning the existence of sub conscious and the he can't fight it and if his dreams will always be like that he wouldn't want to sleep again. I felt something and so I asked him about it.
Everything is so hard for me. I felt that what we really need is a time away. I don't believe in cool off but I think it will somehow help you cope with the situation. He told me, I shouldn't think about it and that he is conquering everything for me because he loves me, etc.
Sabi ko sa kanya, I don't deserve to be in this situation parang ano bang nagawa ko sa buhay bakit ganito di ba? Hindi ko napigilang umiyak sa office.
Ako sure ako sa nararamdaman ko habang siya hindi. Ang hirap.
hindi ako marunong sa dream interpretations, pero sabi nila, dreams are either hidden fear or repressed desire.
ReplyDeletei'm just wondering kung bakit siya naba-bother ng dream if the girl doesn't really mean anything to him.
Yumi, pareho tayo ng tanong. or ng concern. i don't get why he is bothered, and second, bakit din ganoon ang takbo ng dream niya. but then again, minsan naman di natin hawak ang dreams natin. so balik sa unang concern, bakit siya naba-bother enough para maapektuhan ang relationship niya in real life.
ReplyDeleteNeish, i don't want to be callous. i don't want to encourage letting go. pero kasi kung masyado na masakit at kung hindi na nakakatulong para sa growth ng relationship niyo ang mga ganiyang pangyayari, baka kailangan mo na pag-isipan if holding on is still worth all this. yes, mahal mo siya. pero i think kumustahin mo din naman ang sarili mo.
sabi nga nila, if you give up, it isn't always a sign of weakness. it just might mean you've been holding on too long. sometimes holding on too long is not the right choice.
actually medyo matagal na akong hindi nagku-comment sa mga posts ni neish. pero nakakahalata ako sa mga kahit one-liner niyang posts dito o sa fb, hindi lang ako nagsasalita.
ReplyDeleteang sa akin lang- ididiin ko lang, ha? - ang sa AKIN lang naman, ok lang na magmahal ka. pero kasi, ang isang relasyon ay kinabibilangan dapat ng dalawang taong nagmamahalan. e kung hindi ka na masaya at nasasaktan ka... hay naku.
crush niya yung girl kahit nung sila pa nung ex niya. Kinausap niya yung girl para matapos na daw (while kami) and he was rejected. I offered a break-up pero ayaw niya.
ReplyDeletesabi ng officemate ko, feeling niya nachachallenge siya dahil nga nireject siya nung girl
ReplyDeleteneish, kung gusto mo ng breakup, kung mas mapapayapa ka kung maghihiwalay kayo, kung mas makakabuti para sa respeto mo sa sarili mo ang maghiwalay kayo, 'wag mo siyang hayaang pigilan ka. it's your life. your rules. your decisions.
ReplyDeletei agree with EJ all the way. although ayaw kong makialam. :)
ReplyDeleteis it just me, or parang mas madami akong nabasang sad/negative post mo about your relationship with him?
but then again, it's your choice.
girl, i feel your pain. pero medyo agree ako kay ate jette. isa pa, sabi mo kinausap niya yung girl at ni-reject siya nung girl habang kayo pa? bakit niya nilapitan iyong girl ng ganoon ang intention samantalang kayo pa? tama ba ang interpretation ko nung sinabi mong nilapitan niya yung girl para matapos na?
ReplyDeleteit's like hindi talaga siya sigurado sa nararamdaman niya at ikaw ang nasasaktan dahil do'n. i agree, hindi rin ako naniniwala sa cool off, pero siguro you really both need time and space. reassess the situation, girl. gusto mo ba talagang magpatuloy nakasama siya habang may doubts siya sa sarili niya? at eto, at sana hindi ko masyadong nakikialam sa sasabihin kong ito. kung sakaling tinanggap siya nung girl nung nilapitan niya, ano kaya ang nangyari? it seemed ni-reject kasi siya nung girl kaya hindi sila, or may iba yung girl kaya hindi sila, pero kung tinanggap siya nito, then what? anong ibig sabihin noon sa relationship niyo ngayon?
girl, i hope hindi ako nagiging sobrang intrusive. sana hindi ako masyadong nakikialam sa mga sinasabi ko, i apologize if i am. you're a wonderful person neish, kahit hindi pa tayo nagkikita talaga ng personal at sobrang nagchi-chika, i know you're a good person. you're beautiful and awesome, don't let anyone make you think and feel otherwise. lift your chin up, let the world see that pretty smile ^__^
love ya, girl!
thankful ako sa inyong lahat! alam ninyo naman ang nagmamahal, bulag pa, kayo yung eksaktong kailangan ko para mauntog at magising ako.
ReplyDeleteI'll also pray to God. Siya lang ang nakakaalam ng lahat kung bakit to nangyayari sa akin, sa amin.
Gusto ko pag nagkapagdecide na ako, final na, I won't look back. Ngayon kasi, hindi ko pa magawa.
I felt na, he stayed because sure siya sa akin na mahal ko siya while the other girl, start from scratch pa ulet. Nung tinanong ko siya paano kung hindi siya nireject, sagot niya hindi daw niya alam. Pero ako alam ko, alam ko ang dapat kong gawin nun. Ang hirap lang tanggapin.
ReplyDeletetake your time, but don't take too long. not too long na makakalimutan mo kung bakit mo pinag-iisipan gawin ang tingin mo dapat mong gawin in the first place. kasi gurl, ang mahirap sa lahat ng iyan? yung mag-end up ka na ang galit at awa mo ay sarili mo dahil hindi mo mapanindigan ang desisyon mo. parang burnout yan sa trabaho.
ReplyDeletehaaay! ayoko mag-comment sa mga ganito. nakuuuu! hindi ko alam mag-sugarcoat ng mga words na gagamitin ko. haha!
ReplyDeletewe love you neish, 'yun lang. :)))
Ako rin. Mahina ako sa ganito. Walang lalabas sa bibig ko na maganda about him kasi being the wonderful person that you are, you don't deserve this from him or from anybody else for that matter. Basta whatever happens, andito lang kami lagi. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteanu ba yan! bat ba ngayon ko binasa to! naiiyak tuloy ako, nasa office pa naman ako, thank you talaga!
ReplyDelete